Friday, May 15, 2009


This library is a dump. The last one was nice. Small. Like being back in Ballentine. I found it after leaving Mrs. Nerd alone, so I could figure out my next move. No sense in pushing her, making her scared. She might call the cops, and that means that you don’t get to hear from Trey anymore. I said my polite goodbye to Mrs. Nerd and had no idea what to do next.

I found the nice library and caught you up. Sometimes, writing this down helps me figure out how to turn this whole mess my way. It’s like swimming and pushing a battleship sideways.

At the library near Mrs. Nerd, everyone was all smiles and the kids section had the small tables and short shelves and someone was reading to a group of teeny people. This fucking library is like a bomb shelter after they drop the bomb. This ain’t Santa Monica. The bums here stink worse than me. Crazy dudes. We’re close to the VA.

My dad went to the VA in Spokane a few times for checkups. All the rubbing alcohol and Lysol couldn’t sanitize that place. Just breathing made you want to go crazy. Never got to my dad, though. He was tougher than that.

I had to get out of Santa Monica to find this library. Can’t cycle through the same locations anymore. Things have changed.

I told you I was trying to figure out my next move. It found me.

How do you always fuck up? If you’re a guy, you know the answer. If a girl is reading this, I’ll tell you how you always fuck up. Women.


I think she’s Japanese. I’ll call her Tokyo. Don’t know her name. Her hair is so black. Shiny like she’s enameled. Or like she’s a black widow spider. Could’ve killed me.

On the way back from the nice library, after I saw Mrs. Nerd, I needed something to eat but knew no place in this neighborhood would serve me. Had my head down, thinking. Needing the next step. Gotta find the Nerd. Sell him the black bag and I’m out of here. So how do I find him? You have any ideas? Can’t sit outside Mrs. Nerd’s place and wait for her to get the call. Not with those expensive houses on the street and private security crawling around. Maybe I just wait for the Nerd to get back in touch with me. I have what he wants. Rodeo wants it, too. They both might pay for it.

But why doesn’t the Nerd just make another thumb drive. It’s computer stuff, you can just copy more, can’t you? You’re reading this on a computer, must know more about them than me. Can’t he just copy a new one? But if he could do that, he wouldn’t have tried to skewer me on the dagger. Fucker. Should’ve kicked him when he was on the ground.

All this shit’s running through my head with no answers. I’m thinking about what to write you next, how to tell you I’m stuck but not giving up. You’re my only friend. And you had better be on my side.

Hardly looking at the traffic, I cross a street. Stroller bitches are sucking on smoothies and dudes with big watches are checking out their asses. I don’t care about those screws. My problems are bigger.

And getting bigger all the time.

I’m outside in the sun and something in one of the clothing stores catches my eye. You know it by now, Trey notices things. Tokyo was wearing a pink sweater and black pants. She walked through this clothing boutique and looked like a deadly butterfly in the window. That black hair in a pony tail. She’s shorter than me, but has strong shoulders. Like she can handle herself. Tokyo could handle some Trey in her life.

There was a look on her face, above it all and sharp eyes like she could cut anything apart in front of her. But she wasn’t one of the rich women from this neighborhood. Mrs. Nerd was one of them, exercise at the gym every day and read the paper and meet for lunch. Tokyo works for a living.

She moved through the store, putting clothes away on racks. A tall blonde and her taller friend came in to shop and Tokyo helped them with a smile that looked real to everyone but me. I get her. She doesn’t know it. Yet. Or maybe never. Wish it could be that way.
You see, everything’s changed. The next move found me.

I heard him before I saw him. Fucked-up Plymouth Valiant chugged like a steam train. Took me a second to remember it, but I snapped to quick and ducked around the corner. I almost didn’t make it. Tokyo almost did me in. I was staring at her so long, like I was hypnotized. Or trapped in her web. Easy prey for the Valiant. You reading this Tokyo? You didn’t even see me looking at you, but you almost got me killed, just because you’re sexy. But Trey was on top of it this time. I didn’t get killed. He didn’t see me. This time. But I saw him.

Sig. Riding shotgun. One more dude in the back seat. All the way from Ballentine, Washington.

How the fuck did he find me? Did you tell him? Or are you reading this, Sig?

If you’re reading this, Sig, fuck you.